A Night of Nothing and Dreams

Today I had one of those mornings where every little detail exhausted me. Sometimes it happens — people will get in the way, traffic is annoying, time flies by, I’m tired of it. I went to bed early last night, I had no energy to do anything. I had a list of things that I wanted to accomplish after work, but after commuting home for almost two hours I just didn’t feel like doing anything. I watched a YouTube video of the 2011 tsunami in Japan because it was the eight-year anniversary and then went to sleep. What a night.

One of my 2019 resolutions has been to force myself to do more of something, anything, rather than just give into videos on the internet and grab an early sleep. This isn’t only because I want to accomplish things, it heavily dictates my mood for the next day. If I go to sleep knowing I crossed something off my list, then I wake up feeling good about myself. So of course I woke up this morning for yet another early train ride to my temp job and felt annoyed, frustrated, useless.

I also had a handful of weird dreams. I fell asleep at 9:30 and immediately dreamt about an old high school friend who was helping me pack my things in my bedroom. I think she was helping me move, but I don’t know to where. At some point in the dream I received a basket of bread in the mail from an old elementary school friend. The basket also had a broken crucifix in the package. What is that about!?

After that dream I woke up at midnight — my lights were still on — I turned them off and went back to sleep. I had another dream quickly after that. I was working at my old high school part time job, talking to coworkers and helping people around the store. At one point a small child (he looked four, he said he was nine) came in with a job application. I tried to pass him along to my manager because I didn’t know how to let him down — he was too young! Weird!

Then I had one final dream that was way too realistic. I was in my room, the room where I live now, I looked out the window and saw a car accident: three college-aged guys driving a car, maybe a Ferrari, through my neighborhood at really fast speeds. They clipped a parked car and one of the guys plowed through the windshield. He was squirming on the road, one of the other guys called 911 and the police showed up immediately. For some reason I felt compelled to film all of this stuff. When I looked back at the footage, there was a narrator advertising an airline while the footage played. I don’t know what that’s about. Maybe from playing too much Grand Theft Auto 5?

So, all in all, I didn’t do a lot last night. I slept and dreamt and woke up feeling confused and irritated. It happens to the best of us. It’s a good reminder to do what you can when you can, but also not to feel too bad. The more I reflect on last night, the more grateful I am that I slept for a long time, and I’m glad I can recall this night to remember that if I don’t do all I set out to do, it’s not that bad. Life goes on. Plus, the dreams were fun.

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