Why I Finally Started Drawing and Painting

Loosening the grip of subconscious beliefs.

The belief that I did not have an artistic hand took root early in my life. When my cousin and I were in elementary school we’d frequently spend time drawing together. He would draw incredibly intricate dragons and characters with detailed textures in their clothing. I’d combine a few rectangles and circles and call it a car.

I was amazed at his ability to visualize something in his mind and then replicate it on paper. I didn’t understand how it worked. I just concluded that he had some sort of innate skill that I didn’t have. He was an artist. I was not.

I do think he had a natural artistic bent that gave him a bit of an edge. As a young kid, however, I didn’t take into consideration that he spent hours drawing. In hindsight, we would draw together because that was his thing. He was always drawing. He probably had logged hundreds of hours practicing and experimenting by the time we sat on the floor together and compared results. I had never applied myself in the same way. I enjoyed drawing but I never really worked diligently at it as he did.

So by unfairly comparing myself to someone else, I created and embodied the belief that I was not an artist. I carried that belief with me well into adulthood.

Then came a season in my life where I became very exhausted with opinions, information, and ideas. I started writing allegorical short stories. The only thing I could write was fiction. I was drawn to images and metaphors. I needed stories instead of information. I also wrote the first draft of my novel during this phase. I was interested in exploring things indirectly.

More than anything, I craved the ability to sit down and create art. I wanted something that connected me with my body and helped me feel something — but, alas, I wasn’t an artist.

Then it occurred to me that anything can be learned with practice. Why would I just accept that I’m not an artist when practicing art wasn’t something I had worked on at all for thirty years?

I had been a musician all my life. I taught myself guitar, piano, banjo, and was currently learning violin. Life is full of learning, growth, and discovery. There were so…

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