I Calculated The Magical Number Of People For An Orgy

Math class definitely would’ve been more interesting with this as a problem to solve

The two unavoidable things in vanilla life are death and taxes. The two unavoidable things for us nonmonogamists are dissecting your communication (a personal favorite) and arguing over definitions of terminology. Few people will 100% agree on what certain words or phrases mean to them. Defining terms is an academic exercise that helps us more clearly identify where we’re at in the world and the ways we relate to others. It creates codewords we can use to identify each other. The definitions and labels we create, adopt, and especially debate help us to understand not only ourselves but the variety of ways in which we can interact.

Peruse any Reddit sub, popular tweet thread, or sex-focused publication here on Medium and you’re bound to find people jockeying over not just what things mean, but also what things do NOT mean. You’ll find polyamorous folx sparring with swingers over couple’s privilege and unicorn hunting. BDSM proponents arguing with vanillas about scene negotiation and consent. Relationship anarchists laughing at all the problems people heap on themselves to fit in a hetero-monogamous world. All the while, a certain segment of society tells us all we’re going to some magical underworld to burn forever. Fun times.

It’s not all caps lock, character assassination, and strawman fallacies that we reduce ourselves to on the internet. These discussions can provide learning, clarity, and even a greater understanding of what else is possible within non-monogamy. We’re all sailing away from the societal shore we were raised on.

One of the more enjoyable non-monogamy debates is around “Orgy Theory.” Orgy Theory includes not only what is the minimum number required to have an orgy, but what is the optimal number of people in a group sex environment.

We’re all familiar with solo sex (n=1). It’s portable, doesn’t require other people, and is the easiest to do. The onus is on you to do most of the work. Partnered sex (n=2) is the next stage, which offers the experience of pleasure without having to necessarily do all the work and the opportunity to give someone else pleasure. All you have to do…

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