Feline Theories on the Busy Box

This story was contributed by guest writer Snowbelle, an American Shorthair and feline diabetes survivor who resides with two humans in North Carolina.

We’re all familiar with the Box on the Wall. Every evening, our humans come together and stare at this unidentified noisy object in quasi-reverent, trancelike states. Have our human servants knowingly welcomed otherworldly visitors to our homes? Or, are the boxes as mysterious to people as they are to catkind?

Today, our article takes a closer look at the myths, lore, and practical theories involving the Box. Though we may never know its true purpose, its presence is doubtlessly worth contemplation. After all, every minute our humans spend on the sofa, staring into this curiosity, means yet another minute our dinners are delayed.

Many generations of cats have agreed upon the idea that the Box isn’t a terribly complex subject. Marmalade, a stay-at-home tabby in Wisconsin weighs in: “People. We love them, but come on, they’re always up to something ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong — they’re great most of the time — but they’re easily fascinated by the mundane.”

Like many other cats, Marmalade believes that the Box has no more significance than any other household object.

“Imagine that your human had no Box,” he suggests, “In that case, it would just stare at any other object that caught its fancy. For crying out loud, they’re fascinated enough with those flushing water bowls — they even mark them with their scents!”

“There’s not much mystery there,” purrs Patrick, Marmalade’s Persian neighbor. “Today, a lot of cats get these fanciful notions about people, but in the end, they’re just the same mistaken mammals that they were when I was a kitten.” Despite these doubtful sentiments, other felines feel differently about the matter.

“Boxes may present us with a unique opportunity to observe the strong ancestral connections humans perceive,” posits Oreo, a People Studies guru in Montreal. “For centuries, we have dismissed the idea that humans have the capacity to understand and participate in religious rites.”

Oreo suggests that the Box helps humans to “peer through the veil” and watch over their deceased relatives who have left this life. “If a cat observes a Box for long enough, it is possible to observe human-like shapes, which appear to move across its surface.” Furthermore, Oreo suggests that even humans, despite their poor eyesight, may be able to distinguish these shapes.

“The Box creates a visual illusion, which is all too real for humans. It’s time for us to accept that humans have the capacity for imagination and that they interpret these ‘shapes’ as the ghosts of their lost kin. Truly, it is in our best interest to indulge these fragile creatures, who lack the sense — and senses — available to us cats.”

Other cats have expressed similar theories and, like Oreo, suggest that the easiest way to acquire dinner quickly is to wait and watch the Box alongside people.

“Humans love to observe us staring at the Box because they interpret this behavior as a sign that we accept their ancestors and beliefs. This activity is harmless to cats, but inspires a feeling of connection within humans, thus priming them to ‘fork over the Friskies’ fast.”

“A window!,” declares Otis, a world-weary former stray, in response to questions about the Box’s significance.

“I know what a window is. You know what a window is. Just a way to tantalize us with visions of the outside, yet keep us in,” Otis pronounces. “The Box is just another window. The only piece of the puzzle we’re missing is why this one is treated with such significance,” he explains.

Otis provides interesting evidence to support his point of view: “When we look at the box, we see figures and motion, but there are no scents! The Box is just another barrier between us cats and the real world.”

The former street cat spent the rest of the interview expressing his distrust of humans and insisting that the Outside is a wonderland where impressive quantities of live fish flop, ready for the taking.

While Otis claims to have figured out the true nature of the Box, some cats believe that it is a concept beyond true understanding.

“Cats must stop insisting that they understand the mysteries of the universe,” claims Queen Cleopatra. The Manhattan-based Siamese believes that the Box is a divine mystery to felines and humans alike. “Perhaps the Box is a spy, sent from a location light-ages away,” she muses, “I believe that humans are just as perplexed by it as we are, thus all of the inquisitive staring.”

Queen Cleopatra also insists that her humans spend little time contemplating the Box. “Their interests are a bit loftier than most humans’. Your humans wouldn’t understand.”

Judging by the interviews that made this article possible, one fact about the Box holds true: we don’t all agree on what it is, or why it’s in our homes. However, the principles and priorities which bring us together as cats remain the same. If only we could communicate with our humans and share the rituals of 6-hour naps and destroying carpet, we could live in a more perfect harmony with these creatures. For now, each species experiences the world in its own way.

If you have theories about the Box, feel free to contribute comments below. Sitting on the keyboard and signing out, eiuprhgeuwjfndjkff . 4999huhh

Photo Credits: (Thank you to Unsplash photographers for making your work free for writers to share!) Photo 1: LK Bright, Editor, The Cheese Plate; Photo 2: Glenn Carstens-Peters; Photo 3: Amber Kipp; Photo 4: Lahiru Maramba; Photo 5: Timothy Meinberg; Photo 6: Lisa Algra

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